Need an Exorcism this Halloween?-How learning about grief and trauma in horror movies can aide our mental health
During this Halloween season, lets explore what possession, curses, and hauntings all have in common, aside from being frequently used in horror films. They can all refer to areas of mental health. These words can be used to describe areas of life that are scary and misunderstood, such as addiction. They can describe experiences that are too painful for words, such as grief. We all have "demons" we wrestle with, habits we try to break that are so strong it can feel as if there is an otherworldly pull back toward self destruction.
I'm guessing that the entire horror genre stems from trying to externalize what is an internal horror. Before we understood mental health and abuse and trauma, there were stories of possession. If we are trapped inside a family where a person behaves monstrously, perhaps it is easier to think of them as an actual monster. When someone encounters deep grief or pain there are times when you can feel like you are literally someone else. Reality becomes hazy, your emotions are animalistic, your thoughts are anything but civilized. You are confronted with your Shadow Self, the yang to your yin, the dark to your light. It can be uncomfortable to say the least, so uncomfortable in fact that perhaps supernatural stories help us accept the complexities of our grief and allow us to hold on to our original view of ourselves...
How many horror movies are really about grief? (The Babadook, Midsommar). About trauma? (Gerald's Game, Nightmare of Elm Street). About systemic violence and injustice in our culture? (Get Out, The Shining, Rosemary's Baby). About generational trauma? (Psycho, Hereditary). Could The Exorcist be a metaphor for addiction? Is Halloween trying to say something about the emotional baggage that we just can't escape from (Dammit Michael Myers!)
What can we learn from these Horror movies that we can apply to what haunts us on a daily basis? And what do we need to unlearn?
First- You don't have to follow the horror troupe of the Survivor Girl. You don't have to battle your demons alone. Real healing happens when we let trusted people support us, when we connect with others who have been through what we have been through.
Second- Saying it does not create it. This isn't Bloody Mary or Beetlejuice, you are not conjuring your wounds by acknowledging them. On the contrary, once you are in a physically and emotionally safe place, saying out loud what happened can be a step toward freeing yourself from what ties you. "I was abused". "My family member is an addict". "I can't have children". "My loved one passed away".
Third- Get rid of the possessed object. This I am pulling straight out of Supernatural lore, that when we are haunted there is usually an object tethering the spirit to our world. A little salt, a little fire, and whoosh! Spirit released. So what in your life is serving as a conduit for destruction? Maybe you hate that end table your bitchy cousin gave you? Get rid of it! Family photos feel inauthentic and painful? Replace them with pics of your found family and/or of your pets. Clothes that don't fit you anymore and lead you to feeling ashamed and self critical? Donate them and buy clothes that fit and make you feel good in your body.
Fourth- Protection spell. Step into a circle of salt, sprinkle yourself with holy water, use enchanted words to help protect you. This can look like boundary setting "I will not lend you money" or "if you are rude or critical I am going to end this phone call". It can look like a mantra "I am worthy, I am loveable" or "my thoughts do not define me". It can look like avoiding places that are unsafe (if an abusive person will be at the family reunion you don't have to go). It can be a talisman, an actual object (jewelry, a rock, a tattoo etc.) that you infuse with a message of peace or calm or strength to see you through tough times.
Fifth- Have a back up plan. When things are getting dire and don't go according to plan, as is often in horror movies and life, what will you do to stay safe? Perhaps you look at a picture of yourself in happies times, or call your favorite person and ask for help. Call a crisis line (nationwide crisis number 988). Start or restart therapy. Join a support group. If this is a safety concern ask someone outside the home to hold onto your firearms for you until you are in a more stable place. There are soooo many types of therapy so if you have tried some that aren't effective I acknowledge the struggle but keep trying! EMDR, IFS, trauma informed, psychiatry, psychedelic assisted therapy, equine therapy, somatic therapy, TRE, yoga, group therapy etc.
Sixth- Exorcise the demons. Denounce the hold that monsters have had on you in your past. I find putting it in writing can be extra helpful, so you have it in your own words that you can rely back on in moments of doubt.
"Dear Future Me. Remember that this narrative I've been told my whole life isn't actually about me, it was about everyone else. Remember my intrusive thoughts are just thoughts, and they may be flat out lying to me. Remember to breathe. I will distract myself. I will remember that I am strong and competent and I will connect with what is beautiful and makes me feel alive." Or something like that.
What is haunting you in your life that you are ready to exorcise?
Happy Halloween!!
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